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To Stay At Home Or Not To Stay At Home, That Is The Question!

By Beth Krooswyk

 

Growing up the youngest of six kids, I could have had a mother who felt she needed to get back to her career now that her “baby” was perched at the edge of the nest ready to fly. But I didn’t have a mom like that. My mom, who was a teacher for 10 years before becoming a mother, put her priorities in a godly order: She knew that it was in her children’s best interest that she be at home for them, even through the grade school and high school years. And to this day she’ll often say that being a full-time mom is the highest calling a woman can accept.

 

This set an incredible foundation for me, paving the way for my entire life. I never felt that I had to compete for my mom’s attention over her job. I always knew she’d be there after school, wanting to know how my day went while cooking a wholesome dinner for us to share together as a family. What an incredibly secure, stable environment in which to grow up!

 

Yeah, I guess it sounds sort of like “Leave It To Beaver,” but really, what’s wrong with that? In this age of the new millennium, where women can “have it all,” we might think we have it better than June Cleaver ever did — we can get all the degrees we want and climb the corporate ladder as high as it can go. And, don’t get me wrong, those are wonderful goals to have … but the picture changes, or should change, if you plan to become a mom.

 

Motherhood will change you, no matter what you may think beforehand. From the moment you feel that first kick inside you, to that wonderfully precious, all-time-stands-still experience of holding your newborn for the first time, you’ll simply never be the same person again after becoming a mom.

 

But, ideally, before you even get to those gushy feelings, you’ve got some hard decisions to make.

 

Who will care for your baby? Will it be you, or a day care provider? Can you selflessly give up your career, at least for the first few formative years, to care for your child? Who will make her giggle with tickles before naptime? Who will wipe her runny nose with endless tissues or take her to the doctor when necessary? Who will watch her gleefully roll over and over? Who will get on the floor with her to see her crawl? Who will comfort her when she bonks into the coffee table while learning to walk? Who will teach her her first words? In other words, who will be that secure constant in her daily life — you or a daycare provider?

 

While this stay-at-home-moms portion of our website is intended to help you understand how important this decision is, it might also offend some people — but be assured that it’s not meant to. I know there are situations in which single moms must work to provide for their children, or a couple can’t make it on just one income no matter how they work the numbers and try to cut out the “extras” in life. That’s not what I’m getting at here.

 

Rather, this portion of our website has a three-fold purpose:

 

 

 

 

Blessings Even Through the Hard Times

My husband Joel and I both agreed well beforehand — in fact, I think we even discussed it while dating — that if we were to be blessed with kids someday, then I would make the choice to stay home with them, rather than wasting the majority of my salary on daycare.

 

We were married for five years before we began a family so that we could both finish our degrees and work to build up some savings and buy a house. We enjoyed that time, just the two of us, during which we fixed up our house, took great vacations and built our own memories together.

 

By the time Rebekah was born, we felt fairly secure giving up my income and living solely on Joel’s. But not even seven months into Rebekah’s life, Joel was laid off from his electrical engineering job, and we were left wondering, “Now what, God? We thought we were doing this whole parenthood thing the way you desire, and now this? Help!”

 

And that’s when I first felt inspired to put up this part of our website. You see, I want to let everyone know that God did help us through those five difficult months of unemployment, and He did provide Joel with a new job — in a totally different field, and at half of his previous salary (yikes!) — but the point is that He carried us through! And I’m confident that if we can make it through all of that without me having to go back to work, anyone can make it work just as well.

 

In fact, you might be surprised, once you decide to stay home, how other opportunities fall into place, as though you’re being blessed for making such a difficult, but worthy, decision. For example, the month before Rebekah was born, I was offered a freelance writing position, which I’ve been able to do from home (during her naptime) since leaving my job. It doesn’t bring in a whole lot, but it really has made a difference in our savings account, and it also helps me keep up my writing skills should I ever decide to return to work.

 

If you’ve read this far, and also if you read the following personal experiences, you’ll no doubt notice a strong “God-influence” in our lives. To know more about how God and his Son, Jesus Christ, can be more personal in your life, go over to the Know God? section of our website.

 

Instead of reading just my opinion, though, I felt you should have the benefit of reading how others made this decision, and are making it work. So please read the following personal experiences!

 

 

Having the Time for Your Kids Makes All the Difference

“Jon and I decided I should stay home because I wanted to be the one to raise our kids. The good thing is that I didn’t lose pay or job status in the process; instead I just work out of the house. To work in the office would require nearly my whole paycheck to cover childcare costs, so we opted for me to work from home. I love being home when the kids leave for school and when they get out of school, and I enjoy being very active in their ‘school lives.’ I can go to all the school parties and class trips as I desire, not as my boss desires!

 

“Also, we feel you can tell a HUGE difference in those kids raised by parents and those raised by daycare. It’s weird, but at school you can detect in an instant which kids are which, and it’s scary that most fit in the day care category. They usually tend to have more emotional and social adjustments to make, and have a desire to be the center of attention, like they just want that hug and love they often seem to lack.

 

“Of course, I have my days when I wish I were back in corporate America, climbing the ladder of success. I admit I miss the acknowledgement you get for a job well done. While I do get that at home, most of what us moms do tends to be taken for granted.

 

“But when you get down to it, nothing warms my heart more than when I get hugs from all the kids at school and they tell me their secrets because I don’t have a timeclock to punch or a boss watching over me — instead, I have the time at lunch to sit and talk with them. Or when they simply tell me, ‘Mom, know why I love you? Because you are the greatest mom!’ We’ve all heard it, but it truly means more to me than a promotion or a raise at the office.” — Jodi Blystra, mother of three

 

 

A Worthwhile Decision to Consider

“Should I stay home with the kids or go to work? It’s a question that is asked frequently by moms across the US, especially new moms. If you’re considering this very question, maybe my perspective can help you make your decision.

 

“I have stayed home with my kids since our first son was born in early 1991. Almost a dozen years later, our family has grown to include five children, and I have not regretted making the choice to be a stay-at-home mom. (I do, however, prefer to be called a ‘domestic engineer!’)

 

“I must confess at this point that I am also technically employed outside the home, but I most certainly don’t consider that my greatest accomplishment. I work four days per month as a registered nurse. That means I’m gone only 32 out of 672 hours a month! And I schedule these days on the weekends, so my husband — not a daycare provider — can watch the kids. It’s a great way for me to keep up my nursing skills and supplement our family income, while not sacrificing precious time with my kids.

 

“That said, let me tell you some of what I’ve observed over the last 12 years which makes my staying at home worthwhile:

 

“1. I save money on clothes for myself. I don’t have a closet full of uncomfortable, dry-clean-only ‘dress’ clothes for office work. My clothes are dictated by what I like to wear, not a dress code enforced by a boss.

 

“2. Because I stay home, I have the time (usually!) to shop smarter and get great deals on clothes and other items for me and my family, which translates into money saved.

 

“3. I have no need to spend money on a gym membership. Breaking up a fight in the living room on my way to a screaming 4-year-old in her bedroom while heading downstairs to turn off the TV because the 11-year-old needs to get her homework done keeps me pretty much in shape! And that’s just 14 minutes of my day!

 

“4. This is the one that I keep in the back of my mind when I start to doubt the reason I stay home: My mornings are, for the most part, peaceful. I am NOT trying to get five kids up (an accomplishment in itself!), dressed, fed, combed, teeth brushed, shoes on, lunches made, backpacks ready and in the car or bus within the time necessary to get them to school or childcare and, oh yeah, me to work. Whew! Why would I want to go through that five days a week?

 

“5. When one of my kids is sick, I don’t have to worry about calling off work and/or finding someone to care for them. And they know it’s their mommy who will be home with them when they need it most. (Now if I could only find someone to clean up the mess…)

 

“6. This one goes hand-in-hand with #5: If I’m up all night with a sick kid or two (or five), I can sleep in that morning or catch up later in the day with a nap. I don’t think most bosses appreciate the ‘my kid was puking all night so I’m exhausted’ excuse for being late or not coming in at all.

 

“7. Really consider this next one: Imagine ALL that you do right now. Whether you work or not, something fills your day. Now add a baby and all that goes along with caring for a small person. If you work on top of that, when will all the extras happen? During the evenings and weekends! Extras like haircuts, grocery shopping, laundry, dishes, mopping, vacuuming and so on… If you leave the house at 8 a.m., get back home at 6 p.m. and are in bed by 10 or 11 p.m., that doesn’t leave much time for the ‘extras,’ let alone your family!

 

“8. What about the dietary habits of your family? If one parent stays home to care for the kids, there is time to plan, prepare and enjoy home-cooked meals. It is SO easy to just pick up take-out food on your way home from work on the days when you are so tired or stressed or rushed that even opening a can of soup and making grilled cheese sounds like too much! That gets expensive, and it’s also not very healthy!

 

“9. Finally, think about all the day-to-day moments you’ll miss out on if you aren’t around to enjoy your kids: spending cozy mornings in your bed just being together; watching your baby sleep at naptime; hearing them sing their own made-up songs; reading and sharing books together; teaching your child how to stack blocks, dress a Barbie, say ABCs, tie their shoes, make cookies or ride a bike; watching your children play together or by themselves; holding a chubby, sticky hand while walking in the park; pushing your kids on the swings; seeing them run down a sandy beach chasing seagulls; making pb&j sandwiches shaped like butterflies just because you make it best; having some of the most honest, eye-opening conversations ever with a 3-year-old; NEVER having mommy guilt for leaving them while you work!” — MaryLou Brummel, mother of five (and my sister/Rebekah’s auntie!)

 

 

What It Really Means To ‘Just Stay Home’

“Being a wife and a mother are two of the greatest gifts the Lord has blessed me with. Having the opportunity to stay home to raise our family makes those gifts even greater! I’ve been a stay-at-home mom to our son for about 15 months. It has been incredible to watch him grow and to be there for all of his firsts. 

 

“About six months before we were married, my husband changed jobs to provide me with the opportunity to stay home when we had a family. Both of our mothers had stayed home with us, and there was no question who would care for our children. I wanted to be the one to see him roll over for the first time, or crawl, or find his fingers. I wanted to wipe his nose, cuddle him when he was hurt, and teach him right from wrong. In a world where nothing is certain, I want and need to be the constant in our children’s lives.    

 

“I can’t really say that we’ve noticed a big financial difference. I definitely think more about where the money goes now and how to use it when the paycheck comes. When I was working, we tried to set aside my checks so we were not dependent on them. Now we don’t go out for dinner as much or buy as many extras for ourselves. We’ve both made some sacrifices, but I can’t say that I feel deprived of anything. It’s a sacrifice we are willing to make. Getting to watch that beautiful gift we’ve been given grow up before our very eyes makes it easier to make another dinner at home or leave that dress at the store.

 

“Being a stay-at-home mom is not for everyone, and in some cases it is impossible to live on one income. But it’s not a decision to take lightly either. When some people hear that you ‘just stay home,’ they feel that you are a lazy person who doesn’t ‘want it all.’ ‘Just staying home’ doesn’t mean I sit on the sofa and watch TV all day. It means keeping the house clean, doing the laundry, making breakfast, lunch and dinner, and meeting everyone’s needs. Sure, some days I may leave something go, but working people have days off, too. And to me, I do ‘have it all’ — it may not be what the world sees as having worldly possessions, but I do have the gift of watching my child grow and develop into a wonderful little person. We brought this child into the world, and it is our responsibility to raise him. 

 

“I think any woman who is given the opportunity to miss out on a cottage or a new outfit or a bigger house or a brand new SUV should take the chance. The rewards of staying at home to raise your children are worth the sacrifices ten times over!” — Jodi Bultema, mother of one

 

 

No Greater Investment of Our Time

“For me, the most rewarding part of staying home with my children is watching what a miracle God made when he created children, the way he made them to learn so much so fast. I went to the doctor the other day with my 2-year-old son who has frequent ear infections. He has fluid in his ears and they are determining whether or not to give him tubes. He hears like he has his fingers in his ears and, as a result, his speech is not like it should be. The doctor told me that we need to take care of it right away for the sake of his speech and to eliminate the potential for future hearing loss. He said that kids at this age are learning so quickly — what an adult learns in one year, a 2-year-old learns in a month. They are learning 12 times faster than we are!

 

“Therefore, it is very rewarding to know that for as fast as my children are learning, they are learning, from me, what the Lord wants them to know. They hear Bible stories and songs, and learn how Christians should behave. No one teaches your own children like you can. I figure I only have 18 years maximum with each of my kids, and really only four years before they go to school and learn from others. I don’t want to miss out on their development or shirk my responsibility as a Christian mother. God chose me to raise three boys, and that is a very great honor. I believe that God does not want me to work just so I can pay for daycare, or an expensive house, or a new car, or all the other things in life that are just ‘things.’

 

“There is no greater investment than the time spent on raising Christian children. They’ll be raising families of their own someday, and I know the example that I set now will carry on into their lives and families. Besides, I have the rest of my life to work for someone. Right now I am privileged to be employed by the Lord for a very important job: The furthering of his Kingdom in the lives of his children. 

 

“As far as how you make it financially, I just had to learn what was an ‘essential need’ versus a ‘wantful need.’ Do I need to drive an expensive car? No, my $3500 van has lasted me almost two years and is still going strong. Do I need cable TV?  No, it’s just one more distraction. I never really worried too much about the money. There are days when we aren’t sure what we’ll do, but through prayer and petition, the Lord has never failed us: 

 

“‘Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own,’ Matthew 6:25-27, 33-34 NIV.

 

“The Lord will always provide. The Lord draws us to him and makes us humble before him. As a stay-at-home mom, I have never been so happy and content and well-cared-for in all my life.” — Christy Disselkoen, mother of four

 

 

As a Mom, What Are You Focused On?

“This is a subject that I feel strongly about. I did stay home until Carrie was in kindergarten, and then only worked two days a week (Tom is four years older). After Carrie was in school all day, I had a job that got me home before the kids. Staying at home was still pretty common then, although it was beginning to change. Don and I believed that children do better with a stay-at-home mom, probably because we both had moms at home. In fact, we both had moms who didn’t even drive! My mom worked part time when I was well into high school, and even then, I didn’t like coming home to an empty house.

 

“Our finances improved when I did go to work full-time (when Carrie was about 10), but by then we felt somewhat ‘behind’ financially. Our kids never went to Disney World and we had very modest vacations, if any. I worked full time for only eight years before Tom went off to college — something we had not saved for. So for the next four years, guess what my paycheck went for. Consequently, we weren’t afraid to say, ‘We can’t afford it.’ I honestly don’t think the kids would say, now, that they were deprived. 

 

“I realize things are different now and many moms have to work. But I also think there are many couples who keep their focus on accumulating things and competing with other parents to give their kids ‘the best.’ When a little girl dresses only in Tommy Hilfiger, who is that for? This does not mean that I was a self-sacrificing, model mother all the time. What really got me through in those days was the fact that I had three really good, fun friends with kids the same age who all got along well. Don was working nights at the Tribune, as was one of the other dads, so we spent whole days together. And while I admit that, at times, I got really tired of being with kids all day, and our kids still had their problems, we do have great memories of the extra time we got to spend with each other and hanging with other families.

 

“I’d also like to add that my daughter, who worked in daycare for about eight years and loved being with the kids, finally couldn’t take it anymore. She felt sorry for the kids, and she saw way too many of them who bonded with her because she saw them more than their own mother did. She says she would never leave a little child in daycare.” — Anne Frost, mother of two grown children

 

 

Don’t Let the Business World Dictate Your Family Life

“The choice to stay home or not to stay-at-home was not an easy decision for me. I went to school for four years, incurred a lot of school expenses, worked my way up the corporate ladder, put in overtime, tolerated intolerable bosses, etc., all for the sake of developing my career. To take a step out of my career and into full-time motherhood was a huge decision.

 

“Now that I have made the decision to stay home with my son full-time, I don’t regret it at all. Oh sure, I miss the corporate meetings, making goals for the year, meeting with clients, and generally talking the biz with colleagues. However, I do not miss the added stress on our family that would be there if I worked full-time. I do not miss putting my child in the care of others. I do not miss watching my son experience and learn about the world around him. I do not miss having some (any) time for myself. I do not miss worrying about his care and if he’s thriving.

 

“It took me a while to realize that at this stage in my career it’s okay to take a sabbatical for a few years to raise our children (our son and future brothers/sisters.) I am truly enjoying this season in my life and I am not going to let the business world dictate what is appropriate for our family or my career.  Should I choose, I will reenter the workforce later in life, but for now, I’m going to make my son laugh, giggle, smile, and learn just how much I love him.” — Karen Gorbatenko, mother of one

 

 

You Learn to Read Them Like a Book…

“Really, there are just too many benefits to put down on paper about staying at home with your kids. In the infant and toddler stages, your baby bonds with the right person — YOU — instead of your daycare provider. You learn their personality and their schedule if you’re with them all the time. You pretty much learn to read them like a book.

 

“As they get older and go to school, it’s good for their peace of mind and general well-being to know that you’ll be there to get them off to school and that you’ll be there when they get home to listen to how their day went. I’m not saying that a mom shouldn’t work at all when their kids are in school; in fact, there are several great ways to bring in extra money and keep up your career-related skills, if you’re interested. But it is such a comfort to a kid if they know that you’ll be there when they get home. Even my son gets all bent out of shape if we aren’t home when he gets home from college for the weekend!

 

“Sadly, it seems that the ‘family’ is almost disappearing in this country these days for the love of material possessions; but when a parent chooses to remain home with their kids, it truly creates a more family-type atmosphere.” — Gwen Jellema, mother of two teenagers

 

 

Workers Are Replaceable; Mothers Are Not

“As the mother of three and grandmother of one, I have always felt that if God blessed me with the gift of children, He would expect me to take care of them and raise them myself for His purpose. A mother needs to get to know her children and spend time with them to teach them values, behaviors, beliefs, and shape their lives the way that is best. The first five years especially pass so quickly, children develop so fast, and changes happen daily. I remember sending each of my children off to kindergarten and missing them terribly.

 

“What is more precious than the look on a sleepy child’s face first thing in the morning, or the wonder in their eyes when they learn something new? If your child is sick, you can be there to comfort them and take them to the doctor or for shots when needed. You have more time to play games, read books, build snowmen, visit with friends, take short trips and teach your child to pray. No one else can give security, love, or build self-esteem like a mother — why would you want anyone else raising your child?

 

“Being a stay-at-home mom is not easy (it is a job, after all), and sometimes you feel isolated and you wonder whether what you’re doing matters. However, the joys of motherhood come when you feel that you have done your best. When your children become adults, you see that your efforts were not in vain, and the rewards can not be measured. Careers are nice, but you can always be replaced. A mother cannot.

 

“Some books that might help stay-at-home moms include: ‘Becoming a Chief Home Officer: Loving and Surviving your Career Shift to Stay at Home Mom’ by Alyse Stanko Pleiter, and ‘Don’t Miss Your Kids’ and ‘365 Ways to Connect With Your Kids’ by Charlene Ann Baumbich.” — Amy Krooswyk, mother of three (and Rebekah’s grandma!!!)

 

 

Looking Back on No Regrets

“My husband and I both agreed before we ever had kids that we wanted me to be a stay-at-home mom. Both of us had stay-at-home moms, had good memories of that experience, and felt it important to provide that love and security to our own kids.

 

“I personally really felt it to be my ‘calling’ to be there for my kids as much as possible in their formative years, so much so that we made the decision to not even send our kids to pre-school. Kids are in school under other people’s influence for so many years, and we get so few to be their main role models. We found it really interesting, then, that when our first child was tested for kindergarten entrance, two of the six people who tested her commented that she must have attended a wonderful pre-school because she tested so amazingly well and much better than most of the other children! No special coaching — just as much love and personal attention as we could give her.

 

“Through the financial struggles that staying home brought on, I found I could always pick up a little side money at home, whether it was babysitting other people’s kids a few days a week, doing home parties, etc. Every little bit helped.

 

“Though our kids are older now and all in school, I still feel it’s vitally important to be there for them as much as possible. For that reason, though I work now to help pay for their Christian education, I choose to only work during school hours, making myself available to see them off to school and be there in the parking lot to pick them up at the end of the day.

 

“Kids need a base, they need security, they need to know they’re #1 with you and that you will always be there to talk to them, encourage them, or just be there with them through good days and bad.

 

“Can’t complain. All three are great, well-adjusted kids and, God-willing, will stay that way. No regrets.” — Marianne Lyzenga, mother of three (and Rebekah’s great aunt!)

 

 

Your Relationships With Your Children Will Last a Lifetime

“Staying at home with my two daughters is crucial for developing trusting relationships with them and understanding each of their individual needs. Everyone knows that two children are not alike, and so learning their individual needs, as well as what type of discipline works best with their personality, is extremely important. I also feel that by staying home I am developing a strong bond with my children while at the same time creating fun memories for them to draw upon as they grow up.

 

“Staying at home has been a sacrifice that will not last a lifetime, whereas my relationships with my children will last a lifetime. I believe I can also give my children a good foundation for their personal beliefs and introduce them to Jesus as their Savior and friend throughout our daily routines.

 

“Today there are many opportunities for mothers to participate in outside activities like MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) in order to socialize with other adults, and there are many exciting at-home jobs and businesses, such as Creative Memories, which can be a great learning experience and provide lots of personal achievement, while adding income.

 

“These are just some of the many benefits I’ve experienced while staying home with my kids. I love them and really don’t want to miss this time in their lives — as soon as they enter school, I will no longer be their primary resource for learning and relationships. These early years are just too quick and too precious to miss out on.” — Kris Martinez, mother of two

 

 

Be The Main Nurturers, Caretakers and Disciplinarians in Your Kids’ Lives

“Before we got pregnant, Tony and I discussed it, and the ideal in my case was, ‘Well, of course we will both work — how else would we make it?’ But the year before we got pregnant, we ‘practiced’ being on one income. We pretended my check didn’t exist, and put it in savings. It proved we could do it; however, it was always in the back of our minds that the money was coming in, and if we went on one income how would we save? 

 

“We are fortunate enough (as most couples are not) that we really have no debt. Both our cars are paid for, we have two credit cards but mostly use one, and we basically just deal with house bills. We did take the budget seminar at our church [Willow Creek Community Church], and we’ve followed a budget since before pregnancy. We discussed what we could do without — much harder for me, of course, since I enjoy the casual shopping once in a while.

 

“When I was pregnant and people would ask what was I going to do about work, and I’d tell them I was staying home, most of them praised my decision. It made me feel better about it. I also didn’t want to return to the kind of work I was doing, so that helped. 

 

“Tony came from a home where Mom stayed home with all four kids. I came from a home where both parents worked and I was a latchkey kid. I don’t think I turned out bad, but as I spend the days with my daughter and read up on these first years, I really don’t want her to experience that. I don’t want anyone else spending more hours of the day with our child than us. Basically, we would see them for less time than the caretaker! That argument helped immensely in making our decision. Also, why pay such drastic fees for a caretaker?  Often, the bulk of one spouse’s check goes directly to that, so what are you really working for?

 

“There are definitely lots of advantages for the child when mom stays home; however, as with all jobs, there are quirks. For example, I do get bored sometimes, but really, that’s just my own laziness in not contacting other mothers and making the effort to get together, or volunteering at church (with free child care available), or whatever to make the day more productive.

 

“While I can’t vouch for other couples, because everyone’s financial situation is different, I’m sure that if they really worked at consolidating and budgeting, with some sacrificing thrown in, it could work. But for those couples that have so many obligatory bills, I really have no clue how they would do it. 

 

“As I read parenting books, it is so clear how important it is for Tony and I to be the main nurturers, caretakers and disciplinarians in our daughter’s life. I wouldn’t know what goes on if she were with someone else for most of the day. PLUS, why would I want to miss on all of the incredible ‘firsts?’” — Luisa Melton, mother of one and one on the way!

 

 

There Every Step of the Way

“Being a stay-at-home mom is not for the faint of heart. I just spent 2 hours and 10 minutes doing some sleep training with my six-month-old, Samuel. If he were in day care, this wouldn’t have been an issue today, because they would have trained him on how to fall asleep on his own months ago, whenever I would have returned to work. But since my ‘work’ is taking care of my children, I was the one who could decide when he needed to learn that lesson.

 

“In day care, he would have been left in a crib, with a pacifier, to figure out how to sleep on his own. But my flexible schedule allows him to be rocked a bit, held occasionally, nursed, comforted, prayed with, so that he can finally fall asleep by himself. Of course, this was a rocky road for him, as certain milestones are. He played at times and cried and screamed at others.

 

“But he made it to sleep. And I made it too, with the assurance that I was there for him every step of the way. And the best part of being able to do this as a stay-at-home mom is that I get to be there to comfort him and love him when he wakes up. It doesn’t get any better than that!” — Linda Ostrand, mother of two

 

 

On Being a Good Wife and Mom

“Why am I staying at home? First, I feel it is my way to make a contribution on earth. Although I enjoyed having a career, I feel the best thing I can do while I’m here with my daughter is to raise her in a healthy, happy family. So, I can’t have distractions in my life — I need to concentrate totally on being a good wife and mom.

 

“Second, I can’t imagine anyone else taking care of my child. Although I know there are excellent child care providers out there, I have heard too many horror stories. I know a couple of people who have had their own personal childcare nightmare. It is just hard to believe there is anyone out there who would provide as much love, attention and TLC to my child as I could. I would worry the babysitter would just put my child in a swing or chair all day in order to manage taking care of multiple children.

 

“Third, and selfishly, I want to be around to see all of my child’s developments and milestones. Each day brings something new like the story I described above. I don’t want to hear about these accomplishments from someone else.

 

“I know every family is different and some people are not as fortunate to be able to stay home. I know many moms who work outside the home who are excellent mothers. For me, I don’t think I could work a long day and have enough energy to fully devote myself to playing with my child, reading to my child and giving her 100% attention. I might be too tempted to ‘just get by’ so I could relax and rest for work the next day.” — Kristi S., mother of one

 

 

A Difficult — But Noble and Worthy — Choice

“First, I want to say that deciding to stay at home can be a difficult choice. So, if you are struggling with it, know that you are not alone. This is not an easy choice, and I have to make it over and over again. And I am so thankful that I do!!

 

“Why? Because I can’t put a price on my children’s souls. Because I can’t put a price on the importance of a stable home — a safe place in an unsafe world. Because I can’t re-do any of these years and I don’t want to wish that I could.

 

“I want to enjoy them while I am young enough to enjoy them and while they are young enough to enjoy me. I want to teach them about God’s love so that they can remind me how to love when I forget to be loving. I want to teach them about forgiveness so that they learn to forgive themselves, each other, me, and the rest of the world when they learn about our flawed humanness.

 

“These aren’t easy things to do when I have cut the three-thousandth crust off of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Or when I am literally hip-deep in laundry. Or when I start speaking ‘Teletub-ese.’ But … I wouldn’t change a thing.” — Stef Standefer, mother of three

 

 

As a Mom, Where Do You Find Your Worth?

“As any mother can attest, the first thing a mother and child start to do right after birth is to bond. The mother looks over all the little parts of her child. She counts all the fingers and toes. Gently she rubs that soft hair and those tender cheeks. She puts the baby’s mouth to her breast with the thought that this child can draw strength and nourishment from only her. If she has done her research, then she knows that the baby’s stomach is small and used to feeling satisfied all the time. This child has never before felt hunger, and so is startled by this new feeling. Mother rushes to the child to comfort and satisfy that need. 

 

“But a few weeks later, mother is feeling the draw on her reserves. It is difficult to keep in mind that all this world offers is still brand-new to her little bird who is always hungry and demands attention at the most inconvenient times. The idea of going to a job where you punch in and punch out, where you get rewarded for a week’s work is very tempting.

 

“‘Why am I here?’ she asks herself. Now begins the real work. Where does she find her worth? If she finds it in the praise of others or in rewards, then she will always find herself reaching for one more and will never be satisfied. If, however, she finds her worth in doing the current work the Lord has given her, then she will be encouraged every day to keep the long term goals in mind while training up her child.

 

“It says in Proverbs 22:6, ‘Train up a child (according to their own natural vents or talents) in the way he/she should go, and when they are old enough to make a decision they will not depart from THE WAY’ (paraphrased). What better way to bond with them and do this ‘training up’ than to take the time to find out how your child is wired and develop a way that they can best learn the truth of God’s word? Bond, take the time to get to know them and let them get to know you. If God was indeed speaking to parents in this verse — and I believe he was — can we then assume that it is the parent’s responsibility to do the training? Would it also be safe to say that parents who send their ‘gift from God’ into someone else’s hands to be raised are shirking their responsibility?

 

“Now I know of only two instances in the Bible when a mother gave her child away to be raised by another: Moses’ mother did and so did Samuel’s mother, Hannah, but she did this with specific instruction from the Lord. So I believe in the instance of single mothers, or when a husband exercises his authority, that God will find a way to work it for good.

 

“Financially-speaking, there is no way my husband and I could afford daycare for four children. I would be going to work just to put them in daycare. My children where given to me by God because He believes that I can raise them to know Him and do a good job at it. Giving me children was a good way to keep me ever on my knees before Him. Every day I run to Him for help and strength and wisdom and truth and ... I have to because I cannot do it on my own and He knew that.

 

“As for how to make ends meet, a friend gave me a book called ‘The Complete Tightwad Gazette’ written by Amy Dacyazyn, a.k.a., the Frugal Zealot. This book has excellent ideas on how to stretch your dollars. For example: Buy fresh or canned veggies (no salt) and fruits and mash them yourself. I have made my own since my oldest, who is 8 years old. It really adds up: One 4-oz. jar of prepared sweet potatoes for baby (such as Gerber) costs around $.62, while one 4-oz serving of sweet potato, cut, boiled and mashed at home comes to about $.48. Also, dilute the juice: 1/4 part water to 3/4 parts juice. This helps cuts down the sugar intake for the child and makes it last longer (important when there is more than one drinking the juice). Buy in bulk. It really does make things more cost-efficient and allows you to bake in advance and freeze. Grow your own veggies, or find a co-op.

 

“I’m almost ashamed to say it, but the saying is true: ‘One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.’ I can’t tell you how many times Bob has stopped to look at something in someone’s trash, only to find it needed a screw or a new battery or there was nothing wrong at all, and, after inquiring, we’d find out they had simply gotten a new one for their own reasons. My printer and monitor came this way, as did the carpet in my dining and living rooms. It does have to do with being in the right place at the right time, too. But God will lead you if you will listen.

 

“My sister has said that in her ideal world, women would be given college credit and get pay for staying at home with their kids. I disagree. This would just give fuel to the idea that unless you went to college or make a lot of money, you and the life you live are worthless. My most important job is to train up the next generation with the tools to affect their world for Christ. If that means that they grow up to be good moms and dads and that they love their children and neither they nor their children are given to crimes, but are given to sharing the love of Christ with others, then I have done my job and it — everything I’ve ever had to pray through — has all been worth it.

 

“Bob likes to tell people that I am a full-time minister to our four children. But he also does his part and provides strength, encouragement, direction and correction. Our source in everything is God, and He makes the ends met and the hair stay on our heads when we think we’ve pulled it all out. He completes every project, in his own time, and brings order to our chaos. It says in his word, ‘My son, keep your father’s commands and do not forsake the law of your mother. Bind them upon your heart forever; fasten them around your neck. When you walk, they shall guide you; when you sleep, they shall watch over you; when you awake, they will speak to you,’ Proverbs 6: 20-22. And, ‘Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised,’ Proverbs 31:30.” — Cassandra Switzer, mother of four

 

 

An Amazing Job With Out-of-this-World Benefits

“Becoming a mom was a dream come true. Before I was even pregnant, my husband and I decided that I would stay at home. I felt lucky to even be able to have the choice, since my sister is a single mom and has to work full-time at her career to make ends meet.

 

“I knew I wanted to be the main influence in my son’s life while watching him grow, so for me the choice to stay home was the easiest one I have ever made. Before my son was born, I had been a nurse for five years, so we knew when I left work there would be financial sacrifice. I used to stop at Starbucks every morning, buy my skin care products at a department store counter and sleep in on the weekends. Now, I make coffee at home, I’m lucky to ever have lipstick on and sleeping until 7 a.m. is a treat.

 

“The truth is that I have never been happier. I happily trade old comforts for this new adventure of motherhood. My hours may be round-the-clock, but my benefits are out-of-this-world: My son hugging me when happy or scared, listening to that little giggle and the indescribable pleasure of watching a human being grow before my eyes. ‘Every good and perfect gift is from above.’ James 1:17a.” — Jen Whitney, mother of one

           

 

It’s Good for Moms, Too

“We always planned on me being home when kids came. And as for making it on one income, the best decision we ever made was buying a home that was based solely on Doug’s income before the kids were even in the picture! It has made it possible for us. We also went to a mostly cash budget. I have cash to spend even at the grocery store and it really helps me to not over-spend. If you don’t have the money, you can’t spend it!

 

“One thing that has been really impressed on me lately is stability. Our kids are very flexible and can be left with pretty much anyone without being upset or crying. I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I am at home with them, yet not the only person in their lives. Doug is an actively involved father — I go out, he goes out, we go out. We care for ourselves and for our marriage. All these things build into the stability of our home and our kids. 

 

“Another thing that I’ve realized is how much growth I would miss out on were it not for being a stay-at-home mom. I’ve learned — and am learning — so much about who I am, who I am not and who God hopes for me to be. Those are lessons I would never be working on were it not for the challenge of being full-time at home. Kids have a way of bringing out your very best, yet at the same time, revealing your very darkest places. It is in those dark places that I find the most potential for me to grow in Christ.”  — Jen Yonamine, mother of three

 

 

Within One Week After Posting, We Helped Someone Decide!

The following excerpt is from a friend of mine who is currently working on starting a family with her husband. I forwarded her a link to this section of the website, without knowing her plans once a baby enters their life, and here is her response:

 

“I wanted to let you know that I looked on your website and found your article on staying home vs. going to work. Of course, this is something that Curt and I have discussed at length. I have wanted to be a stay-at-home mom since the beginning of time, I think. But with Curt not having his degree yet it makes it difficult because he hasn’t found that ‘career’ yet, and I make really good money. So, when we were planning on buying that house these last few weeks, there was no question about it ... I had to work.

 

“Well, funny how God intervenes. We put earnest money down on a house and everything seemed to be rolling, but then the builder called. They couldn’t offer us the actual house we wanted on the lot we wanted, so we countered saying we’ll take the house you want to give us if you pay closing costs. They refused and the realtor starting getting pushy, which was my signal to turn and run, which we did. We got our money back and decided to wait.

 

“Since then, and before reading your article, we have been thinking about not getting into being ‘house poor.’ We have been thinking about renting or something. It is much cheaper out here to rent (about $500-700/month for a townhouse).

 

“After reading your article, it sealed the deal for me. I want to be the one to cuddle my child, and put them down for naps and tickle them and take pictures of them and watch them sleeping and change their diapers (gross, but true.) We’ve just decided that we may be poor, but we have to! It is that important.

 

“So, when I get pregnant, nine months later I am going to be a stay-at-home mom. And I couldn’t be happier about it. Curt is still going to go back to school. We figure we can get good financial aid and possibly live in married student housing. And there is a possibility that I could work for a photographer in town from our home. 

 

“All this to say, thank you. Thank you for taking time to write that article. It made a difference. It has really lifted a burden off of me to know that our child will have a mom at home with them all the time. It is sooo important. We’ll be fine, I just know it. So, once again, thank you, thank you, thank you for writing the section. It was good to really get down to the nitty gritty of what I and our child would be missing.” — Emily